I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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