If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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