Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize