Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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