Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
