Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
