Your dad touched me again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
