Well apparently he's into motor boating.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize