You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
