Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
