now i know why i became what i already was.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
