I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize