Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
