My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
