My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
