She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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