This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize