i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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