The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
