If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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