Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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