Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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