Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
