Only a mothe r could love this liver
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
