just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
