things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
