Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
