it was like eating out sand paper
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When are your genitals available?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize