just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
