Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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