Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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