successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
