Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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