I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
