So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
