She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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