I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We named our party play list daddy issues
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
