the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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