ugly people sure do ruin things
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
