You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I want is dick and wine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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