i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
