GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
