I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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