***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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