Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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