Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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