If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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