My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
