R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
