Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
