How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
