p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
