Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
