12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
