Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
