The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
