did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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