I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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