All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
