I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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