I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
