i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I stole a fireplace last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
