Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
