oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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