you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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