i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
