time to smoke my breakfast
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
