We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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