So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
