I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
