4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
